Burgers for the road #2: In N Out Burger, Modesto, CA

"A lot of ins, a lot of outs, a lot of whathaveyous".

For sir: a double double animal style (from the secret menu, a mustard-fried double cheese burger topped with pickles, onions marmelade and extra thousand island dressing). This was like a very nice version of a Big Mac.

For madame: a double double animal style.




Fries: 1 x plain: very thin, pale, good. 1 x Animal style: topped with cheese, onions, thousand island dressing. Straddles the line between clever and stupid; genuinely unable to decide whether it was an abomination or delicious.

To drink: root beer.

Kate got bumper stickers and over excited. Mostly because Ryan, our server, looked like a giant Clark Kent made out of triangles and olympic swimmers.

Big Papa

Cold Things

This morning the car thermometer said it was -8c. I didn't believe that but when I washed out the mugs to make tea, this happened in the time it took me to put the stove in the NO position and light it.

That's ice that is. At this point we realised we could legitmately leave Yosemite and go somewhere hot and sunny. When we struck camp the inside of the tent looked like this.


That's ice as well that is.

Yosemite Samwiches

Camping again

My new camping stove has two settings: off and no.


Off's working pretty good so far. Haven't tried no yet.

The Bear Facts!

Burgers for the road #1: Carl's Jr, Oakdale, CA

For sir: a hot carl. This was like a nice version of a whopper. Just don't look up the name on urbandictionary.com.

For madame: a jalepeno burger. Like a nice version of a whopper with jalepenos in it.

Fries: thick cut, rustic, skins on. Good.

To drink: root beer.

Rounded it off with a peppermint schnapps at Oakdale's premier nightspot, the Cow Track Lounge.

Stuffed with Seafood!

Associated Taxis

Pug Count 4.

Pug #4: tubby, fawn. Enjoying a foggy morning in downtown Capitola.

Deep fried twinkies, Santa Cruz Boardwalk

Somebody's slashed his tires. Probably a dietician. Or a twinkie.

Public outcry ensues:

Pug Count 2&3.

Pug #2: 12 week old female, enjoying her first trip to the Brighton state beach. Excited, not least by presence of dead seal carcass 15 ft (approx) away.

Pug #3: 6yr old black female. Stoic. Visible tongue tip, seated, zen like.

Glaum Eggs

Campsite Critters

These lads had off with my pasta.

This fella took my salami.

I half expected this fucker to siphon the petrol out of my car while I was sleeping.

Notes from a campsite, Big Sur

A middle aged man stands behind a toddler using a potty encouraging him to "roll it out son, roll it out".

Big Sur

Reminds me a lot of the Isle on Man; pretty little glens running down to the rocky coastline, high property prices and cool misty mornings alive with the smell of freshly birched homosexuals.

No wonder I feel so at home here.

Pug Count 1.

#1: Fawn, young, fogging up the glass on the passenger side of his owners ride (yellow station wagon) entering Kirk Creek Campsite, Big Sur. Did not stay: presumably did not have the foresight to book a pitch well in advance at this popular facility.

Target Superstore, Marina, CA

Text reads: "The Kramer ... He is a loathsome offensive brute, yet I cannot look away".

I wonder when these were printed and what shape the sales figures would make on a graph over time. I hope that history will remember Michael Richards for the right reasons - such as his portrayal of the Bow Tie Killer in Problem Child (1990) as his charitable work as a mason.

Next series of Curb Your Enthusiasm should be good, anyway.

Things we don't have in England #1

Things we don't have in England: i) take and bake pizza shops ii) Irish themed pizza shops


iii) Pineapple sausage



iv) Cheddar wurst

v) "Handles" of Tanquaray.


Thankfully.

Behemoth

The alamo rental car desk at San Francisco airport is a bad, confused place. We asked for an economy car and recieved this.




It has 13 seats and nowhere to put your bags or shopping. It is bigger than a hummer (I compared their lengths, urinal style, at a traffic light). I can't park it. I can barely get it to turn corners.

I tried to change it for a normal car. Alesh at the rental place was sad. "We have no car" he said, shuffling some papers behind his desk. He looked up, a man defeated by circumstances beyond his control. "Is difficult time for all of us" he offered.

A man in a hat shook his head, sighed and rolled his eyes at me as I slowly executed a 6 point turn ("parking star of David") in the middle of the dual carriageway as I tried to leave.

The car is a like a big stupid puppy: he annoys people with his clumsyness but I've kind of warmed to his oafish antics. I almost hope that this time they don't put him to sleep when we take him back to the pound after three days.