Very young kids

Kate and I spent our last day frantically running round Mexico City trying to find killer ideas for our stall at the The British & International Franchise Exhibition (Olympia, 19 and 20 March). I think we've spotted a gap in the market for a casual dining restaurant that pays homage to the Jewish inspired cuisine of Northeast Mexico so with a bit of luck you'll be seeing branches of "Very Young Kids" popping up on every high street in the UK in next no time.

Like all succesful franchises, Very Young Kids has a short, easy to replicate menu. You get a complimentary starter of soft goats cheese, pickled cucumbers and crispy flat breads.

The mains are similarly simple to navigate requiring only a basic knowledge of the colloquial terms used in Mexican goat butchery. This ensures that the menu is split into two "functional gender submenus": women may decide to have the server explain the different cuts available; men can save face, choose blindly and enjoy a randomised selection of feet, gonads, cheeks and tail.

Alternatively treat you and your friends to a crucified roasted goatlet brought to your table.

Or try out Very Young Kids Lover's Menu: two orders of goat and a goat's head to share served with flour tortillas and two diet sodas all in for just £23.50.

I'm sure the first three Very Young Kids branches (St Albans, Standsted Airport, Wootten Basset) will be just as bustling as the parent branch in Mexico City. Buen Proveche!