Milanesa

Many Argentines consider the Milanesa to be their quintissential national dish because it's a schnitzel with an Italian name. To prepare: take a thin piece of steak, hammer it out until it's thinner. Coat it in egg and breadcrumbs and deep fry it. Leave it rest for a few hours in the corner of a transport cafe and simply reheat in a microwave to order. Ding.

The customer has some hard choices to make: rather than simply have it plain does he want it Knight-style (caballero)? Here the meathorse is "ridden" by two fried egg-questrians sharing a breadcrumb "saddle" which covers the entire beast? Or would you like it Neopolitan style, covered in cheese and waferthin ham and tinned tomatoes, like they have it in Italy? Either way it comes with chips, mash or a salad.

You can either smoke or not smoke, depending on how you look at the sign AND have Neopolitan ice cream for afters. Hopefully some greedy biffer won't have robbed all the chocolate, like happens at home.

Perhaps the most important thing is to ensure that you have some quality big screen entertainment to go with the taste of stale oil in your mouth. For example our fellow diners are seen here enjoying a rare repeat of puppy-centric childhood-Autism tearjerker "After Thomas".

In this scene the grandmother (Sheila Hancock) is comforting her daughter (Keeley Hawes) while her son in law (Ben Miles) plays with Thomas, the dog they have bought as a companion for their autistic son. Over the next 35 knockabout minutes we watch the painful, distressing disintigration of the couple's marriage, Sheila Hancock's death from a heart attack, a bout of frustrated dog-punching, a miscarriage and, finally, a tearful trip to the vets to have the dog put down.

Quite a garnish.. I just hope that the subtitles managed to catch all the nuance for my fellow diners.