Logic puzzles

When I went down to take this photo they had not yet turned on the deafening hip hop music needed to entice the people of Tulum into a chemist. Undettered, I came back later to take a photo while the music was playing. Then I felt a bit stupid because the two photos would have been identical, what with sound being invisible and that.

Anyway, rest assured readers, the speakers in this photo really are pumping out rawkus crunking beats to people buying asprins, medicated trusses and antacids. You have not been misled at any point. Have a lovely 2010.

Horrid dolls

Photos!

Abandoned Mayan ruins, Tulum.

Queue to take photo of abandoned Mayan ruins, Tulum.

Chocolate and cheese

1) An album by Ween.2) Enchiladas con Mole Poblano: a stack of three soft corn tortillas filled with tender poached chicken and topped off with melted cheese and a thick, rich, chocolate sauce.And the taste? Cheese, chicken, chocolate.

It's a dish that benefits from a good deal of positive thinking: the more you keep thinking "yeah! chicken, cheese, chocolate. Together! Wow! Tastes good! Exciting! Chicken, cheese, chocolate! There should be more of this sort of thing!" the more you enjoy it. Start to think "chicken, cheese, chocolate?" and you're in trouble: there's a melted Dairy Milk on your dinner and it's got all mixed in with the chicken and cheese. Stay the course! Remain positive! Savour the chicken, the cheese AND the chocolate. Together at last! Yummy!

Carlos

This is me and Carlos. Carlos is a horse. I rode him and we had fun.

Carlos reminded me of an idea I had for a restaurant in London which would be called L'Assommoir which has only one dish on the menu: horse steak served with frites cooked in horse fat.

The drinks menu would be slightly longer: half pints of Kronenbourg en pression plus a choice of red or white wine served in unvarnished earthenware jugs and chipped tumblers. Alternatively patrons can try the potent, slightly cloudy eau d'vie distilled on the premises: ask the waiter what it's made from and he will simply shrug and grunt. Actually, if you ask the waiter anything he will simply shrug and grunt; that's kind of the point of the restauant. There is no dessert menu.

Anyway I have a very, very stong feeling that this restaurant would be a success so all I'm looking for is the initial investment of 100% of the capital required to open a restaurant in central london, plus someone who knows how to run a restaurant and the name of a good horse butcher. If you have any or all of these things, my email address is at the top of the page. Merci.

Super Furry Animals

This guy! A white nosed Coati: he likes crisps and his favorite member of the Rolling Stones is Ronnie Wood. Each to his own, I suppose.

Christmas presents!

I got a lot of great presents this Christmas including: a teach yourself harmonica book (and "harp"!), a rather jazzy turquoise snood and a cup/string/stick-flicky game. Ideal gifts for someone who does not cherish the company of strangers on long bus journeys. Would you sit next to this man if there were any other seats free?

Of course not: he looks like an adult baby who makes people look at his holiday photos on the internet. Thank you very much to everyone who gave me a present; in return please accept this recipe for a traditional Yucatanean way to use up leftover turkey.

Turkey enchiladas with a trio of sauces.

i) Take leftover turkey meat and shred (vegetarians may use a turkey substitute such as tofurkey).
ii) Fill three folded tortillas with meat.
iii) Cover tortillas with a pumpkin seed sauce, a green sauce and a very shiny black sauce. Note: whilst all sauces should be shiny the black sauce should be really really shiny.
iv) Use mashed banana to create low “dividing walls” to keep the sauces separate and garnish with a hard boiled egg and a few sprigs of chaya (a local leaf somewhere between nettle and spinach). Remember, uncooked chaya contains cyanide so be sure to use only a few small sprigs.
v) Enjoy. Insofar as this is possible.

Happy Christmas!

Sightseeing on laundry day

Sure I'm rocking a bit of a gut, but so is everyone else in this crazy country; that's what happens when the national drink is really really cold beer and the national dish is deep fried crisps and cheese. Mum, Dad, I promise I'll try to eat more salad soon. Or raw pork.

Unknown podgy child, wife, brother in law, podgy Chimbo at Uxmal. The Mayans used these temples to sacrifice thousands of people to Chaak the rain god. HILARIOUSLY the whole time we were there the only time it stopped drizzling was in order to rain in a more purposeful manner. Oh how we laughed!

What lovely blue chairs!

Kate liked these.
And so did I.
Been mad busy today.

Is me versus you in love

Tag teams, literally doubling up.

Digestive Roulette

Torte al pastor: pork, marinated for two days in pineapple juice and spices, cooked on a doner kebab grill next to the pet stall at a market with no running water. In a crunchy roll!

Some people like to choose stalls where the meat has been roasting long enought for a delicious crispy char to have developed on the outside. Not Kate and I: we prefer to frequent joints that have just opened for the day and the meat on the spit is consequently still totally raw. I asked the guy making our sandwiches to make sure that he gave the uncooked pork a good rub with his bare hands before he started putting them together. Well I didn't actually ask, but he did it anyway which was jolly nice of him.


Shave the meat into a bun, top with spring onions and coriander before whacking the whole lot back on the grill to warm through. Top with liquid guacamole and a simple habanero salsa and serve.

I was so delicious I almost bought and freed the cage-full of geese that were watching me eat it but wiser heads prevaled and we just got a load of budgies and set them loose in a motorway service station. As the old saying goes "health is in your h1n1 influenza hands".

Thanks google translator. Where would we be without you?

A mexican breakfast buffet

Spaghetti carbonara.
Anticlockwise from bottom left: limes, hotdogs, cauliflower, scrambled eggs and bacon, tomato sauce, refried beans.

Hot cakes, empanadas, cream and pork stew.

Jelly, Creme Caramel.

Together at last! What is normal anyway?

Or you can ask and they'll make you "Cowboy eggs" (huevos rancheros) arguably the world's greatest, if not most photogenic, breakfast.

Eggs, corn tortillas, chilli-tomato sauce, black beans. All present and correct. As you can see, its lucky I like my eggs a bit transparant.

Isla Mujeres

Oh man, I just get so Christmassy this time of year.
Actually I don't really like Christmas very much, but what I do like (a lot) are things that look a bit like my name (sort of). Viva Chimbo's!
You know what else I like? Those funny mexican beer cocktails called Cheladas. This one is made with tamarind and lime juice with a sweet chill and salt rim.
I think somebody might be worried that this looked a bit girly so they put it in a glass that is so heavy that only a double hard bastard could drink out it. Sure I used the straw for a bit, but only when I was holding the glass up in the air, not with it on the table.
Drinking from a staw with a glass on the table would make me look like some sort of sunburned idiot on his holidays and I will be DAMNED before I let that happen on my watch.

F*ck Sorry

Since I posted this picture I haven't seen the sun once. Lesson learned.

Sorry!

Viva Mexico

I've taken to starting the day with a traditional Mexican breakfast: a cup of tea and an episode of CSI: New York (w/ subtitles). Today's episode features a guest appearance from Kid Rock. As George Orwell said "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face . . . for ever. Fortunately the face belongs to Kid Rock".

So prescient.

Tamarind! Anchovies! Vinegar!

Breaking Michelada news! If you add lime juice, ice, Tabasco and Worcestershire Sauce to your Sol and top it off with a salt rim it tastes like a pint of Worcestershire sauce.
Hurrah! Extremely refreshing though, and very handy if you want to consume a week's worth of sodium in a single sitting.

Una perro.

I'm in Mexico now, by the way

What are the regulations concerning the cage?

From the frequently asked questions page on the Cacun Airport website:

"Q) I am an American visiting Cancun for the weekend. During my trip I want to buy a cat and take it home with me to USA. Am I allowed to buy a pet and take it home with me? Where should I buy a pet? Is there any place where they have kittens for sale or free? Do I need to buy a cage for my pet? What are the regulations about that exactly?

A) You need to contact your nearest US Customs agency and ask about proper documentation and information regarding taking live animals to the US. We do not have information about where or how to buy pets. We’re sure you can get that once you are in Cancun.

Q) I believe I lost my camera at the airport yesterday. All the telephone numbers on the website say they are only in Spanish. I cannot speak Spanish. I may have left the camera in the security bin. Can I communicate or speak to someone about this matter?

A) You can call at 8 48 72 00 ext 1221 Department of Not Found with Mr. Raúl Ramón Romero(He speaks English) and you should be able to find him from 4:00 to 6:00 PM".

Bye-bye America

Geegaws

Can you imagine how sad Kate and I were that we couldn't take any of these gee-gaws away with us?
Can see this on my mantlepiece:

His muscles are made out of more skulls.

This would look good next to my collection of plaster owls:

I might buy Kate a big box of fymo for Christmas.

Kind of a man's drink II

I think that Camo 16 is for try-hards. Although it does look like a bullet (manly) the shiny packaging is a poor choice for the thirsty gunman who wishes to hide undetected in the undergrowth. Step forward "The Champagne of Beers":
But! These only come in little diddy cans which, although easy to transport to the "kill zone", are not large enough to comfortably beat a deer or game bird to death. Step forward "the Crusher":

42oz of crisp, refreshing bludgeoning power. Unfortunately it has a tendancy to freeze at low temperatures which may make you go deaf.